IF I DRINK MY MICELLAR WATER WILL I FINALLY LOOK NOT LIKE A BLOB?

Recently (a few weeks ago) I started using micellar water because I was told via the internet that it was a cure all for all things bad skin. Now this may be true. I have been using it almost daily for 3-4 weeks and I can tell you that 1. my skin doesn't look nearly as bad as it has in the past and 2. my skin looks pretty shitty right now. Take a look:

 

And insert unflattering photo of me. In case you're wondering what's wrong with this photo I took the liberty of circling some "problem areas"

 

Is it just me or does it look like I drew a sort of sad frog face over my face? Anyway, my skin is red in some places, yellow in others, ZITTY near my chin, and both dry AND oily pretty much everywhere else. Please do me a favor and take my word for it and not zoom in too much. If you do, you'll see why I said not to and you'll totally regret it. I have never really had bad acne. I get zits but I don't have any acne scars or anything like that. Micellar water is supposed to help clear up stuff like dark spots and circles and puffiness (I think, I'm not a scientist. That might be witch hazel, but don't quote me on any of this, except for the part where I said my skin is bad. That's true) and for the most part I think it has done those things for me. 

I have tried witch hazel after cleansing with the micellar water, but to be honest, it smells kind of weird to me. I think that's why when I first heard about it I heard about a rose witch hazel that "smells great", according to Amazon. I just went to Walgreens and bought one of the only ones they had. I think it also helped me, but I did stop using it in favor of micellar water's lack of aroma. 

Nowadays water is supposed to solve all our problems. "Drink water, drink coconut water, use micellar water" I do two out of those three things (because I haven't had a coconut water that wasn't gross) and I still look and feel pretty crappy. I joked that I should drink my micellar water because maybe then it'd cleanse me of all my dirty dirtyness, but I wasn't 100% kidding. If you told me drinking it would work I'd grab a damn crazy straw and one of those little umbrellas the put in fancier tropical drinks. 

So yeah, if you like using weird water on your face to cleanse your soul or, you know, clean yourself I recommend micellar water. I guess I would recommend witch hazel, too, if you can get past the smell. That being said, can someone recommend me a coconut water that doesn't suck? You'd think water + coconut would work but I think coconut + chocolate definitely pairs better