On Sunday I had to go out swimsuit shopping with my younger sister. Once we finally picked one that looked really really cute on her she said she was afraid to wear it because she "looked fat". This swimsuit did not make her look any bigger or smaller than she was. She is small already so she looked the same, just in a cute swimsuit. I told her that I thought she looked really good and she was skeptical but we ended up buying the suit anyway. Earlier today she said something about how she looked fat in something. It hurts me hearing this little 13 year old girl who wears an extra small in junior's say that she's fat and embarrassed of it. I was exactly the same way when I was younger. I wasn't as big as I am now but I was convinced that I was and was ashamed of my body for years.

When I was younger I always covered up my body in big t-shirts, jeans, and hoodies. I was constantly mocked because I was "fat" or "ugly" and I believed every word of it. I was bullied from 6th to 12th grade for the way I looked, dressed, walked, everything. There were days where I would dare to wear something a little revealing knowing very well someone would say something to me about it. A 15 year old girl shouldn't have to cover her entire body up in the summer because people walk behind her when she wears shorts and make fun of her legs, her stretchmarks, and her butt.

I wasn't always as big as I was, especially in high school. I felt bigger back then because I was told I was. I would try on really pretty dresses and tops back then, be too nervous to ever wear anything that showed off my gigantic arms, put it back, and buy a t-shirt. I regret not getting this dress. Looking back it looked really good on me and fit me really well. I knew that if I ever dared to wear it in school I would be tormented by someone about my arms or my thighs. 

Looking back now I'm so angry at myself for ever thinking less of me. I look at these old pictures and see a beautiful, scared girl. I see someone who should've never been ashamed of themselves but felt they had to be. I remember whenever anyone would ask me what I thought was my favorite physical trait I'd say my hair because it was the only thing I could get right. I didn't even like my legs until I was 17 years old when my friend told me I had great legs. I laughed a lot about that because she had to be joking, right? I was the ugliest person in the world! 

I wasn't the ugliest person in the world. I wasn't an ugly person. I have never been an ugly person. I have been a very negative very scared person who should've never felt that way. I am slowly starting to love myself the way that I am. Buying a bikini and wearing one outside has been one of the hardest things for me to do. I have always been embarrassed in swimsuits because they cling and you can see a lot. I was afraid to wear one in front of my friends, in front of my family. I decided to try this high waisted suit from Forever 21 Plus because I saw so many different people with so many different body types trying them out and it actually worked for me.

I'm not embarrassed of my stretchmarks or my stomach in these suits. I'm  not afraid to wear a swimsuit anymore. I feel so confident and beautiful now in my clothes. They show off what I want to show off and do it well. I have never been happier with my body than I have been these last couple years. I have found what works on me and what makes me feel very good about myself. I told my sister something a friend of mine said about body image (not word for word); "Don't be ashamed of your body. Hiding will make you feel worse and you should be proud of yourself and who you are". Hopefully my sister will learn this sooner than I did.